Trail of Thought of a Messy Breakup.

I wake up, my head spinning. Worst hangover of my life. I do a night recap, oh wait I was trying to avoid that. My boyfriend broke up with me last night.

I go to the kitchen to get some water, go to the bathroom, grab some tissues, head back to my room and start crying my  eyes out.

Did he really leave me? He was my everything, the meaning of my life, the reason of my existence, the cause of my happiness.

What will people say? My friends, they all hate me now because I never spent time with them.

I gave him everything, he knew me even better than I do.

He was my companion, my true friend and he simply left me. Just like that, just like that.

My grades, I have to improve them, but how?

Should I call him? What will he say?

My weekends, ill be a loner from now on. My parents, they warned me.

I thought he loved me. I still love him…

Winter and The Road.

Fall, leaves, fall

BBY EMILY JANE BRONTË

Fall, leaves, fall; die, flowers, away;

Lengthen night and shorten day;

Every leaf speaks bliss to me

Fluttering from the autumn tree.

I shall smile when wreaths of snow

Blossom where the rose should grow;

I shall sing when night’s decay

Ushers in a drearier day.

    Winter is about to arrive. A dark season, defined by gloomy sceneries. Death perhaps, or even a sad memory or phase. A moment of dullness and sadness. But the "smile" is the way we overcome it. 

   "Singing" is the way through which we surpass it. Just as the characters from the road. They keep on walking the road. They never stop, and continue their journey until life itself ends for one them. They never, "sit in the road and don't get up again" (Pg. 49), they keep on walking, "smiling to the winter" "singing to the night". 

    Winter for them is the uncertainty of life, the world's end and loneliness itself, but the smile and song is their will to survive, their strength and courage to overcome their difficult path. 

Dessert=Life.

After reading Jae Gyoung's blog, Literature Out Load, I found myself caught in his existentialist way of writing. I found it quite funny how he tried to make it "emo", but the way he connected it with the "dessert" made it quite impossible to focus on the real matter.

I do agree, life is completely uncertain. It is a road, from which we build up on and without knowing everything is simply lost. Just as in the book, the Father ends up dying, the world ended, and everything was lost after building it. But that is simply how life works. We will never know if all of what we worked for is worth while, we simply know that we need to live the present, cherish what really matters and live up to what we are currently living.

Life could be considered at some point meaningless, but why give up on it? In spanish class I read the book  The Outsider by Albert Camus and started questioning the meaning of life. Camus takes a very existentialist position, questioning life's importance knowing that everything that humans do is insignificant compared to the grand spectrum of the universe.

Being an existentialist myself, the Road actually is a contradiction to Camus theory. The road even if it portrays life without meaning, what the characters overcome, and the journey itself gives an extra value to life. McCarthy is able to show life's significance through the present itself and through things that actually matter. Even though everything at the end was lost, what mattered and what will always remain is what we live today, what we build up as we go along. We cannot simply give up on life, as Camus questions it because we will end up dying, we have to embrace it and build it as we go along, even if its uncertainty kills us.

I guess Jae's dessert comment was a way of showing how we better enjoy life, rather than question its significance.

Being this said, I myself will enjoy a delicious dessert.

The Weekly Visit.

Man walks into the room, lies down on the divan and stares and the white painted ceiling.

Psychiatrist: "Any particular dream that troubles you?"

Man: "Just one, I don't really understand it"

Psychiatrist: "That is why I'm here for, go on tell me"

Man: "In my dream she was sick and I cared for her. I did not take care of her and she died alone somewhere in the dark" (Pg. 32)

Psychiatrist: "Is there another dream?"

Man: "There is no other dream nor other waking world and there is no other tale to tell" (Pg. 32)

Psychiatrist: "Very interesting. To the looks of it, "the dream bores the look of sacrifice" (pg. 32). The dream of loosing your wife without taking care of her symbolizes your fear of the present. The loss of your wife is your past, but the fact that you did not take care of her expresses how you desire to move on, but moving on means leaving something behind. It is a matter of understanding that what happened is part of the past, we long to come back to it, but sacrifices must be made to be able to enjoy the future. Uncertainty always scares us, we always wish to have everything set in stone, but the past can never be relived.

Our time is up. I will see you next week.

Man: "Thank you. How much do I owe you?"

Psychiatrist: "The usual, $200 for the 45 minutes".

The Road in a Figurative Level.

"You forget something don't you?
Yes. You forget what you want to remember and you remember what you want to forget" (Pg. 13)

Literal	Figurative
·      Want to remember ·      Forget some things ·      What you want to forget	·      Things that actually matter ·      Nothing lasts it all becomes a memory which eventually fades. ·      Sadness, guilt, remorse, regrets. Pain. Suffering. What the memory never forgets.